On Fri, 25 Jul 1997, Joan Haran wrote:
> Melanie wrote:
>
> > Nope, sorry Janice, that's upside down. The meaning of the story is that
> > the reason the Tinks don't have kids is BECAUSE they are selfish - they
> > would rather enjoy their chosen lifestyle with its material, childless,
> > benefits, than give ANY of it up in order to experience the joys a
> > family can bring. There was no intention to comment on the selfishness
> > or otherwise of the other family - they were merely props to the main
> > action.
> >
> > It is open to speculation whether the same mind-set would apply were the
> > Tinks to be of less-than average income....
>
> Speaking as a TINK struggling to combine self-employment with part-time
> study and a relationship with my partner I take exception to the above
> paragraph. Perhaps you are referring specifically to the story and intend
> no general inference to be drawn. But it seems to me you assume too much.
> Is choosing to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle any more selfish than choosing
> to have children? I don't think so. And to what joys are you referring?
> Do every mother & father experience parenting as a joyous experience? I
> think not. Perhaps some of us who choose not to have children are not
> simply selfish but are self-aware, realising that having children is not
> just a lifestyle choice - it is a massive commitment and responsibility and
> perhaps one for which we think our personal qualities are less-suited than
> for our current roles.
>
> Joan
>
I agree completely with Joan. The idea that women who choose not to have
children are selfish is an accusation hurled at women with hideous
frequency by people who simply want women to stay in their "natural
position": barefoot, pregnant and powerless.The desire for children CAN
be read, in its own way, as a selfish one. And if, as in the original
story, the woman in question simply has children because her partner wants
her too, then I would suggest she has rather foolishly allowed male
desires to overpower her own. Kids are not something you should
compromise on. Was she afraid of
losing said male? Having children to keep the man in your life in your
life seems to be to be alot closer to selfishness than anything else. But
throwing around mutual accusations seems rather pointless: an acceptance
of woman's informed choices seems to be the key.
Tanya.
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