>My point is this: We're falling for one of the most classic (and
>unfortunately effective!) tools of patriarchy to keep women from actually
>gaining ground. In our society, a woman is "wrong" no matter what she does.
> A mother who works and sends her children to day care "doesn't care enough"
>about her children, while a mother who stays home to raise and nurture her
>children herself "doesn't have a life of her own." Who exactly are WE to say
>who is right? We all live very different lives and a choice that is right
>for me may not be right for any other woman on this list or anywhere, in
>fact. The problem is that society has us so hard on the defensive that if
>someone says something that *might* be construed as criticism, we feel we
>must leap to our own defense for fear of being informed that there is
>something wrong with the choices we have made and the ways we have each
>chosen to live our lives.
BINGO! Thanks for putting it down. Right now there is an unfortunate case
in Boston, in which the mother left her young child in the care of an au
pair while she was working (part time) - the child died, possibly as a
result of being shaken by the au pair, and it's all gone to trial now.
Pretty much an everyday tragedy, from where I stand.
But there has been an astounding outpouring of hate mail/talk attacking the
bereaved mother for 'abandoning' her child - no matter that she had hired
the au pair through a supposedly reputable agency, no matter that she had
taken the 'mommy' track and was only working part time, no matter that she
has just lost her only child - she is being cast as the villian in her own
tragedy by men and women alike. In much of public opinion, she is being
held culpable for her child's death - as much as if she had killed her
child with her own hands.
This seems ridiculous to me on so many levels - and, sadly, wholly typical.
It is small wonder women tend to be defensive about the choices they have
made when they are so apt to be attacked for those choices - no matter what
they are. 'Welfare mothers' are attacked for being too lazy to get out and
get a job, mothers who work outside the home are attacked for 'abandoning'
their children, women who choose not to have children are attacked for
being selfish and selfcentered (or, god forbid!, 'unnatural'), women who
choose to be stay at home mothers are attacked for being 'regressive' -
this is hardly a win/win situation, and the list goes on. You always have
your choices, and you are always wrong.
Can you say 'backlash'? Sure you can.....
meg
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Thu May 25 2000 - 19:06:53 PDT