What horrific stories, Marina and Emrah. And Marina, what a clever way
to deal with the situation!
In the last ten years or so I've lost at least two students in the fifth
grade to some kind of mysterious 'visit to an aunt' story. The girls
themselves told their teachers that they had to go back to their Arabic
countries to get married. They were eleven.
While in the U.S. with their families the girls were treated completely
differently from their brothers. For example, most children who have
birthdays have little cupcake parties with their classes. In these
girls' families, the family brought in elaborate cakes for the boys'
birthdays but nothing whatsoever for the girls. The girls were not
allowed to take gym or learn to swim and were pulled out of school
whenever the family needed a babysitter or help with the house. One of
the girls missed school one day each week because she had to 'wash her
hair'.
We never, never understood this. Still can't. (sigh)
MARINA YERESHENKO wrote:
>
> On Wed, 17 Sep 1997, emrah goker wrote:
>
> >
> > I totally agree with everything you say. Yet what I wanted to draw
> > attention to was what we, as citizens of the Turkish Republic, witnessed:
> > In most of the provinces of Turkey, a woman older than 13 cannot have a
> > walk out freely, if she has some *bold* clothing. Furthermore, that a
> > woman can work is like obsceneity to an average Muslim man. Because, woman
> > is _weak_, she has Allah-given domestic responsibilities.
>
> Sounds a lot like my home country Tajikistan. Except that:
>
> 1) Women there work (a strange result of interaction between Muslim-dominant
> culture and 70 years as a part of a Communist country).
>
> 2) A girl cannot walk around alone freely since the age of 10, no matter
> how she is dressed. And when some creep comes up to you at the
> street, grabs you by the hand and says something like: "Come with me,
> beauty", God help you if you try to say something back. Not even "F__k
> off". Even if you call him "stupid" or in any other way "be rude", he
> will hit you (you are lucky if once). You are not supposed to be rude to
> a man, and he will consider himself doing you a favor by "teaching you a
> lesson". So next time you would not express disrespect to someone who is
> bigger and stronger (the same as if in America, you'd try to fight with a
> cop. Except that you can sue a cop).
>
> If in this situation, you try to walk away, he will follow you. He would
> not probably hit you if you don't provoke him, but ignoring a man is also
> disrespect. So he (or they, men usually hunt in groups) will follow you
> until they get tired saying all kinds of things they can think of (Hey,
> where are you going so fast, pretty? You sure you don't want me to f. you? I
> would f. you go-o-od! and so on).
>
> It can happen any time you go somewhere alone. Any time you get out of
> your home, to be precise. And that's during peaceful times. If you are
> lucky to get a civil war going in your country, things really go to the
> extreme. Because there is nothing that a 20 year old guy with an AK-47
> feel he's not entitled to. If you are a woman, you have to deal with it
> every day,no matter what you think about it. Most of people just don't
> think about it, taking it as part of being a woman, along with a smaller
> size of meal or menstrual cramps.
>
> Anyway, there is a way to deal with it. It took me about 19 years, but I
> figured it out. First, you should never get mad and never get scared. And
> act as confident as you can. So, when a nut on the street walks up to you
> asking whether you'd go with him, you just have to look him in the eye
> and calmly say "No". I still don't understand why it happens, but it
> always does -- the guy would look away, with an expression like he suddenly
> remembered he forgot his keys in his car, and quietly dissappears.
>
> If he has an AK-47 or simply is wearing that green-and-brown military
> stuff, however, then it's more complicated. You'd have to act very nice,
> and talk to him for a while, ignoring the propositions by acting like you
> are too clueless to understand what he's talking about. If you get to the
> point when he actually asks you whether you are married, you should not
> lie if you don't have a ring, but telling him that you are going to get
> married pretty soon would usually work. But better yet, pay attention
> while going anywhere, and if you see a militiaman, or several of them, 20
> feet around your course, go to the opposite side of the street. If you
> did not manage to avoid it, God help you. You can still survive, if you
> have enough nerve and can lie assertively. Like a friend of mine once
> surrounded by two patrolmen (who were supposed to protect the streets, by
> the way) got away by telling them that her father was the head of the
> city police. The guys knew she was bluffing, but there was no way they
> could know for sure. And if they actually raped the daughter of the
> police chief, they can very well go and kill themselves, because
> otherwise they would very likely have to regret they were ever born. So,
> if you have a bigger man with a gun, or act like you do, you have a chance.
>
> This is just a little bit of "The Rules of Survival for Females in My
> Country" I could write a book about. Sorry for going off-subject again.
> It's just Emrah's posting invoked some sentimental memories.
>
> Marina
>
> "Femininity is code for femaleness plus whatever society
> happens to be selling at the time."
> Naomi Wolf
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