On Fri, 26 Sep 1997, Pat wrote:
> Marina etc - when I was very young you could point out to a young thug
> that he wouldn't want his own sister treated that way. Is/was that an
> option where you came from?
>
> Patricia (Pat) Mathews
> mathews@unm.edu
>
No, no, no! Sorry, I did not mean to yell. But this is a very common
misperception that keeps bewildering me ever since I watched _Thelma and
Luise_ about a month after coming to America. I could not believe that
Luise, a smart, grown-up woman, would _imagine_ that talking to the
rapist about his sister or mother would change his perspective.
Especially, while having a gun in her hand. I don't know, maybe all men
she had met were nice (which would be strange, since she was a waitress).
But normally, this kind of people do not give a damn about their sisters
(some of them rape them as well, and not only in the South). And if
someone else would actually "do that to his sister", he would shoot the
bastard on the sight, instead of preaching to him, and that what Luise
should have done.
Anyway, it's kind of hard to explain if you did not grow up in a rough
environment (at least as a passive observer), but you _never_ try to preach
to a person who is trying to hurt you or someone you care about. Because
it's a meaningless waste of time. The same as if you are on a plane that is
being high-jacked and you think of convincing the terrorist to change his
mind because "his family could be here". You are not his family, he might
have no family, or totally hate them, or his family could be the exact reason
why he's doing it to you.
If you ever get in trouble, never, ever, put your survival in dependence of
the attacker's morality, beliefs, or whatever else you
would think could prevent them from hurting you. Because they know all
that and have already made the decision to go ahead with it anyway. You
can rely only on what _you_ can do for yourself. Which is either to destroy
them before they destroy you, or make them believe that you can, so they'd
think it's not worth it. Just never let them know that you are weak or
scared, and talking things like "how can you do that, what if it was your
sister" is a sign of weakness.
Some people, however, try to use the approach you've suggested. The
creeps usually find it hilarious.
Marina
"Femininity is code for femaleness plus whatever society
happens to be selling at the time."
Naomi Wolf
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