I would like to start off by saying that I hope I'm not stepping on toes or
offending anyone here, but I would like to point out that the recent debate
over home schooling/day care/etc. is an excellent example of something I have
seen mentioned in a great deal of writing about feminism. The only examples
I can currently think of are Susan Faludi's _Backlash_ and I believe it was
also addressed in Naomi Wolf's _The_Beauty_Myth_, but I know I have seen it
mentioned in many other works as well.
Basically, my point is this: As I see it, feminism is basically about giving
women the right to choose the direction of their own lives. It's about women
evaluating the options available to them (feminism is also about opening the
arena of options wider than it would be if left to patriarchal mores), and
deciding what is the best option for *themselves*. I've always believed that
the point is feminism is to give the same level of legitimacy to *all* women.
Those who choose not to have children, those who choose to have children and
stay at home to raise them, and those who choose to have children and careers
both. The point is that women should be free to make their own choices, free
of society-induced guilt or pressure. Thus, it's really nobody else's
business if a woman chooses to send her children to day care or home school
her children or whatever (obviously keeping the well-being of the children
foremost). It's a matter for the woman and her family and no one else to
debate the suitability of her decision.
The recent ruckus over child care/home schooling/etc. is an excellent example
of society managing to break down the solidarity feminism is trying to foster
between women and reduce us instead to fighting each other rather than those
things which are actually causing us grief. Stacey and Marina have both made
excellent points, as have the other people who have made comments on the
subject. And obviously these are two women who have made and will continue
to make very different decisions in the course of their lives. My point is
that both of them should be free to make their decisions and not feel forced
to defend their very *lives* against the censure of others, particularly
those whom they are supposed to be able to count on for support.
My point is this: We're falling for one of the most classic (and
unfortunately effective!) tools of patriarchy to keep women from actually
gaining ground. In our society, a woman is "wrong" no matter what she does.
A mother who works and sends her children to day care "doesn't care enough"
about her children, while a mother who stays home to raise and nurture her
children herself "doesn't have a life of her own." Who exactly are WE to say
who is right? We all live very different lives and a choice that is right
for me may not be right for any other woman on this list or anywhere, in
fact. The problem is that society has us so hard on the defensive that if
someone says something that *might* be construed as criticism, we feel we
must leap to our own defense for fear of being informed that there is
something wrong with the choices we have made and the ways we have each
chosen to live our lives.
It's been said on this list before, and I'll repeat it: Home parenting isn't
for everyone, and neither is the double life of women who are good mothers
and carry on successful careers of their own. It's our job to respect the
women who *can* be successful mothers and careerwomen, and also to respect
the women who can spend their days schooling their children at home as well
as making the community one the working women like coming home to. I'll
certainly grant that there are some women who stay at home to raise their
children and don't do such a good job, and there are women who try to sustain
a career while raising their children and end up neglecting one or the other.
But it's up to us as feminists to support and respect the decisions of all
women. This is so that the pressure placed on women by society is lessened,
and so fewer and fewer women make decisions based on what society expects and
rather on what is really *best* for them.
Okay, that's my spout-off, and I'll say off the bat that you're all free to
disregard this as so much hooey, but I had say this.
Barbara Benesch
BJBenesch@aol.com
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Thu May 25 2000 - 19:06:52 PDT