I am very glad that the child-raising thread is finally over. I'm back to
the list after a break while I was catching up with my classes, and it's
gone, finally. Now, since the emotions have hopefully calmed down I'd
like to say something on the point of netiquette, which had been
mentioned by several people (I am not sure if I spell it right, but I
hope you know what I'm talking about).
Since in the course of that discussion, we switched from the orignal
topic to the question what is appropriate in the on-line conversation
itself, I think there should be more clarity on that matter. This
situation had happened before and will probably happen again, due to the
fact that there are people with different opinions, and some of them put
their self-esteem in dependance on whether they are right or wrong.
If you want to say what you think is right, you can always hurt
someone's feelings, simply because they take it more personally.It is
sad but sometimes inevitable. After all, there are people were offended by
school integration, by women in colleges, and by legalization of
abortion, but it did not automatically make those policies wrong.
Arguments happen, and it's not the end of the world. What is bad, though,
is when one side gets all the blame.
I've read in the Newsweek that Hillary Clinton is planning a child-care
reform, which is about time, as I think many people agree. She also
mentions that it will be designed "in a way that would not offend
stay-home mothers". I am glad to know that the government cares to make
everyone happy. What puzzles me, though, is the fact, that no one ever
cares about offending working mothers. Those, who besides the sexism and
underpayment at work and the load of housework they carry at home, have to
deal with the numerous accusations in "selfishness", "being inappropriate
mother", etc. from other women. And no one ever considers that "hate
language" or tries to shut up a person who talks about "shunting away
one's children". I don't remember any IMHO's around _those_ statements, or
anyone calling this bad Internet manners.
This is not about child care. It's about the situation when feelings of
one group of people are assumed to be way more important and valueable than
the other. (After all, they are working women, they don't feel bad for
being called selfish, they probably "like it"). This kind of
preference can create a flame war many more times, because it's simply not
fair. It's based on the principle "When I do it, it's my right of free
speech, when you do it, it's verbal violence." Now, we seem to be
implementing the same policy on the list.
Well, one lesson that I've learned from all this, is that whatever you
say, you should never, ever say you are sorry. Because it only makes the
"sensitive people" to jump on you with more energy. Well, it's always good to
learn something new. I'll never apologize again, I promise.
Other than this, my experience on this list was great. Thank you all.
Marina
"Femininity is code for femaleness plus whatever society
happens to be selling at the time."
Naomi Wolf
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Thu May 25 2000 - 19:07:15 PDT