Patricia (Pat) Mathews
mathews@unm.edu
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Fri, 7 Nov 1997 00:39:08 GMT
From: Jean Lamb <tlambs@magick.net>
To: mathews@unm.edu
Subject: Re: How-To for Heroes (and Heroines)
Rules for Heroines:
1) When being forced into a compromising position, and having been able to
steal the dagger/blaster from the villain, I will _not_ toss it to the hero,
who's just come into the room and may be asking himself if he's suddenly
lost his charm; instead, I will use aforementioned weapon to remove whatever
internal organs of the villain I happen to fancy for my personal collection.
2) When faced with the hero and a Bimbo sent by the villain to seduce him in
yet another compromising position (or possibly the Villain Herself, you
never know these days), I will not act abruptly, but merely congratulate him
on his good taste and actually listen to his protestations of innocence
(though I will make him take a shower and have him allow me to strip search
him later--you never know what might have gotten planted on the boy). Later,
if necessary, will direct him to the applicable statutes in regard to child
support and assist him in fighting for custody. Two can play this game!
3) I will not fall for the Villain, no matter how Cute and Sexy he may be.
Even if he is _so_ understanding about how neglectful the Hero has been
lately. I will also be careful what I eat and drink while in his company.
However, I _will_ agree when he asks me to betray the hero, though with
apparent tearful reluctance. Then I will immediately tell the Hero what's
up. Sound communication is the basis of a strong relationship!
4) I will not dress up in a harem costume. It never helps (unless the Hero
has been unusually dim about one's charms...I'll think about it).
5) I will not hesitate to lie about the Secret Location of the Rebel Base.
6) Batting my eyelashes hardly ever helps, except on really stupid guards.
But really stupid guards often carry blasters and/or code keys.
7) When told I must marry Guy of Gisborne or die, bring on the wedding gown.
And I'll cry at the funeral, too. You never know what's in the will.
8) And I will cut the hero the same slack. Those bridegrooms could be
carrying lethal weapons and/or holding someone hostage.
9) And whenever an enemy falls and it is practicable, I will pick up
whatever blasters I can carry, and throw the rest down the chute. Waste not,
want not.
Hope you enjoy!
Jean Lamb, from Klamath Falls, Oregon, tlambs@magick.net
http://www.sff.net/people/jeanlamb. Just hired to work part-time at a
library near me! (whip me, beat me, MAKE me get paid for working with books!).
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