I know it isn't really on-topic, but considering the barbi conversation
we've been having lately, I think it's fitting. If you don't like it, just
delete it. Think of it as a day brightener.
> Dear Santa:
> Listen you little troll, I've been helping you out every year,
> playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing
> skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake
> tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to
> you Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
> better be some changes around here by next Christmas, or
> I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you
> won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday
> wish list for 1997:
> 1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized
> sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much
> smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have
> any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro crawling
> up your butt?
> 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably
> white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and
> MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
> 3. A REAL man...maybe G.I. Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo
> over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. And what's
> with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with
> him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.
> 4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned
> Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
> 5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have
> to twist, just get it done.
> 6. A jogging bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
> 7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut
> it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising
> account exec!
> 8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with
> a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice
> cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my
> very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and
> handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removable
> Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
> 9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking
> my vinyl.
> 10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years - I think I deserve
> it. OK, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution
> to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If
> you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for
> next Christmas. It's that simple.
> Yours truly
> ~Barbie
Becca
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Thu May 25 2000 - 19:07:30 PDT