Y'all have GOT to see this:
<< >>> [We join our operetta already in progress. The infamous Pirates of
>>> Pergamum have just seized a bevy of beautiful Mytilenean maidens, and
are
>>> attempting to carry them off for matrimonial purposes. Gabrielle
>>> intervenes, with a recitative (well, it's better than a pan flute
solo):]
>>>
>>> Gabrielle: Hold, scoundrels! Ere ye practice acts of villainy
>>> Upon the peaceful and agrarian,
>>> Just bear in mind, these maidens of My-TIL-ene[1]
>>> Are guarded by a buff barbarian!
>>>
>>> Pirates: We'd better all rethink our cunning plan;
>>> They're guarded by a buff barbarian.
>>>
>>> Maidens: Yes, yes, she is a buff barbarian.
>>> [Xena leaps in from the wings, with a tremendous war cry, does a mid-air
>>> somersault, and lands on her feet on the Pirate King's chest.]
>>>
>>> Xena: Yes, yes, I am a buff barbarian! [The orchestra starts up.]
>>> I am the very model of a heroine barbarian;
>>> Through Herculean efforts, I've become humanitarian.
>>> I ride throughout the hinterland -- at least that's what they call
it in
>>> Those sissy towns like Athens (I, myself, am Amphipolitan).
>>> I travel with a poet who is perky and parthenian[2]
>>> And scribbles her hexameters in Linear Mycenian[3]
>>> (And many have attempted, by a host of methods mystical,
>>> To tell if our relationship's sororal or sapphistical).
>>>
>>> Chorus: To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphistical!
>>> To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphistical!
>>> To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphisti-phistical!
>>>
>>> Xena: My armory is brazen, but my weapons are ironical;
>>> My sword is rather phallic, but my chakram's rather yonical[4]
>>> (To find out what that means, you'll have to study Indo-Aryan[5]).
>>> I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Chorus: To find out what that means, we'll have to study Indo-Aryan --
>>> She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Xena: I wake up every morning, ere the dawn is rhododactylous[6]
>>> (Who needs to wait for daylight? I just work by _sensus
tactilis_[7].)
>>> And ride into the sunrise to protect some local villagers
>>> From mythologic monsters or from all-too-human pillagers.
>>> I hurtle towards each villain with a recklessness ebullient
>>> And cow him with my swordwork and my alalaes ululient[8];
>>> He's frightened for his head, because he knows I'm gonna whack it --
>>>he's
>>> Aware that his opponent is the _Basileia Makhetes_!
>>> [The music crashes to a halt, as the Chorus stares at Xena in utter
>>> confusion. She sighs.] It's *Greek*. It means "Warrior Princess"!
>>> [Light dawns on the Chorus, and the music resumes.] Sheesh . . .
>>>
>>> Chorus: He knows that his opponent is the _Basileia Makhetes_!
>>> He knows that his opponent is the _Basileia Makhetes_!
>>> He knows that his opponent is the _Basileia Makhe-makhetes_,
>>>
>>> Xena: Because I've got my armor, which is really rather silly, on
>>> (It's cut so low I feel like I'm the topless tow'rs of Ilion,
>>> And isn't any use against attackers sagittarian[9]).
>>> I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Chorus: It isn't any use against attackers sagittarian --
>>> She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Xena: In short, when I can tell you how I break the laws of gravity,
>>> And why my togs expose my intermammary concavity,
>>> And why my comrade changed her dress from one that fit more comfily
>>> To one that shows her omphalos[10] (as cute as that of Omphale[11]),
>>> And why the tale of Spartacus appears in Homer's versicon[12],
>>> [She holds up a tomato:]
>>> And where we found examples of the genus _Lycopersicon_[13],
>>> And why this Grecian scenery looks more like the Antipodes,
>>> You'll say I'm twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
>>>
>>> Chorus: We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
>>> We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
>>> We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripi-ripides!
>>>
>>> Xena: But though the kinked chronology, confusing and chimerical
>>> (It's often unhistorical, but rarely unhysterical),
>>> Would give a massive heart attack to any antiquarian,
>>> I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Chorus: 'Twould give a massive heart attack to any antiquarian --
>>> She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> [As the orchestra plays the final chords, a wild Xenaesque melee ensues,
>>> and the curtain has to be brought down.]
>>>
>>> Notes:
>>>
>>> [1] Actually, "Mytilene" would properly be accented on the third
syllable;
>>> Gabrielle always did have trouble with rhymes. (Mytilene,
incidentally,
>>> is a city on the isle of Lesbos -- the hometown of the poet Sappho,
as
>>> a matter of fact. It is not clear what, if anything, Gilbert is
trying
>>> to imply here.)
>>>
>>> [2] parthenian: virginal.
>>>
>>> [3] Linear Mycenian: Mycenian is the ancient dialect of Greek which was
>>> written in Linear B (a form of Greek writing that predates the
adoption
>>> of the alphabet). The implication is that Gabrielle does her writing
>>> in Linear B; if _Xena_ takes place around the time of the Trojan
war,
>>> this is chronologically reasonable.
>>>
>>> [4] yonical: "Yonic" is the female counterpart to "phallic".
>>>
>>> [5] Indo-Aryan: The language group consisting of Sanskrit and its close
>>> relatives. Both "chakram" and "yonic" are of Sanskrit derivation.
>>>
>>> [6] rhododactylous: rosy-fingered. (Homer makes frequent reference to
>>> _rhododaktulos eos_ -- "rosy-fingered dawn".)
>>>
>>> [7] _sensus tactilis_: Latin for "the sense of touch".
>>>
>>> [8] "Alalaes" are war-cries (the Greeks spelled a Xena-like war cry as
>>> _alala_ or _alale_) and "ululient" is a coined term, apparently
>>> meaning "characterized by ululation".
>>>
>>> [9] sagittarian: archer-like.
>>>
>>> [10] omphalos: belly-button.
>>>
>>> [11] Omphale: Legendary queen of Lydia. From context, we must assume
>>> that she had a cute belly-button; however, no known classical source
>>> seems to address this vital issue.
>>>
>>> [12] versicon: a coined term, apparently meaning "collection of verse".
>>>
>>> [13] _Lycopersicon_: the biological genus to which tomatoes are
assigned.
>>> (The tomato is a New World plant, and was entirely unknown in the
>>> Old World in pre-Columbian times. Thus, having tomatoes in a
_Xena_ish
>>> context is an even greater anachronism than having Homer tell the
tale
>>> of Spartacus.)
>>>
>>>----------------- End Forwarded Message -----------------
>>>
>> >>
---------------------
Forwarded message:
From: dwebb@uwf.edu (D.J. Webb)
To: NYOUNGMAN@aol.com
Date: 97-11-21 20:29:09 EST
one more apology...spelling your name with 2 ll's....oops
here's the most creative wacky-Xena-thing I've seen.
DJ
>>>---------------- Begin Forwarded Message ----------------
>>>
>>> [We join our operetta already in progress. The infamous Pirates of
>>> Pergamum have just seized a bevy of beautiful Mytilenean maidens, and are
>>> attempting to carry them off for matrimonial purposes. Gabrielle
>>> intervenes, with a recitative (well, it's better than a pan flute solo):]
>>>
>>> Gabrielle: Hold, scoundrels! Ere ye practice acts of villainy
>>> Upon the peaceful and agrarian,
>>> Just bear in mind, these maidens of My-TIL-ene[1]
>>> Are guarded by a buff barbarian!
>>>
>>> Pirates: We'd better all rethink our cunning plan;
>>> They're guarded by a buff barbarian.
>>>
>>> Maidens: Yes, yes, she is a buff barbarian.
>>> [Xena leaps in from the wings, with a tremendous war cry, does a mid-air
>>> somersault, and lands on her feet on the Pirate King's chest.]
>>>
>>> Xena: Yes, yes, I am a buff barbarian! [The orchestra starts up.]
>>> I am the very model of a heroine barbarian;
>>> Through Herculean efforts, I've become humanitarian.
>>> I ride throughout the hinterland -- at least that's what they call it
in
>>> Those sissy towns like Athens (I, myself, am Amphipolitan).
>>> I travel with a poet who is perky and parthenian[2]
>>> And scribbles her hexameters in Linear Mycenian[3]
>>> (And many have attempted, by a host of methods mystical,
>>> To tell if our relationship's sororal or sapphistical).
>>>
>>> Chorus: To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphistical!
>>> To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphistical!
>>> To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphisti-phistical!
>>>
>>> Xena: My armory is brazen, but my weapons are ironical;
>>> My sword is rather phallic, but my chakram's rather yonical[4]
>>> (To find out what that means, you'll have to study Indo-Aryan[5]).
>>> I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Chorus: To find out what that means, we'll have to study Indo-Aryan --
>>> She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Xena: I wake up every morning, ere the dawn is rhododactylous[6]
>>> (Who needs to wait for daylight? I just work by _sensus
tactilis_[7].)
>>> And ride into the sunrise to protect some local villagers
>>> From mythologic monsters or from all-too-human pillagers.
>>> I hurtle towards each villain with a recklessness ebullient
>>> And cow him with my swordwork and my alalaes ululient[8];
>>> He's frightened for his head, because he knows I'm gonna whack it --
>>>he's
>>> Aware that his opponent is the _Basileia Makhetes_!
>>> [The music crashes to a halt, as the Chorus stares at Xena in utter
>>> confusion. She sighs.] It's *Greek*. It means "Warrior Princess"!
>>> [Light dawns on the Chorus, and the music resumes.] Sheesh . . .
>>>
>>> Chorus: He knows that his opponent is the _Basileia Makhetes_!
>>> He knows that his opponent is the _Basileia Makhetes_!
>>> He knows that his opponent is the _Basileia Makhe-makhetes_,
>>>
>>> Xena: Because I've got my armor, which is really rather silly, on
>>> (It's cut so low I feel like I'm the topless tow'rs of Ilion,
>>> And isn't any use against attackers sagittarian[9]).
>>> I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Chorus: It isn't any use against attackers sagittarian --
>>> She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Xena: In short, when I can tell you how I break the laws of gravity,
>>> And why my togs expose my intermammary concavity,
>>> And why my comrade changed her dress from one that fit more comfily
>>> To one that shows her omphalos[10] (as cute as that of Omphale[11]),
>>> And why the tale of Spartacus appears in Homer's versicon[12],
>>> [She holds up a tomato:]
>>> And where we found examples of the genus _Lycopersicon_[13],
>>> And why this Grecian scenery looks more like the Antipodes,
>>> You'll say I'm twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
>>>
>>> Chorus: We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
>>> We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
>>> We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripi-ripides!
>>>
>>> Xena: But though the kinked chronology, confusing and chimerical
>>> (It's often unhistorical, but rarely unhysterical),
>>> Would give a massive heart attack to any antiquarian,
>>> I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> Chorus: 'Twould give a massive heart attack to any antiquarian --
>>> She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!
>>>
>>> [As the orchestra plays the final chords, a wild Xenaesque melee ensues,
>>> and the curtain has to be brought down.]
>>>
>>> Notes:
>>>
>>> [1] Actually, "Mytilene" would properly be accented on the third
syllable;
>>> Gabrielle always did have trouble with rhymes. (Mytilene,
incidentally,
>>> is a city on the isle of Lesbos -- the hometown of the poet Sappho,
as
>>> a matter of fact. It is not clear what, if anything, Gilbert is
trying
>>> to imply here.)
>>>
>>> [2] parthenian: virginal.
>>>
>>> [3] Linear Mycenian: Mycenian is the ancient dialect of Greek which was
>>> written in Linear B (a form of Greek writing that predates the
adoption
>>> of the alphabet). The implication is that Gabrielle does her writing
>>> in Linear B; if _Xena_ takes place around the time of the Trojan war,
>>> this is chronologically reasonable.
>>>
>>> [4] yonical: "Yonic" is the female counterpart to "phallic".
>>>
>>> [5] Indo-Aryan: The language group consisting of Sanskrit and its close
>>> relatives. Both "chakram" and "yonic" are of Sanskrit derivation.
>>>
>>> [6] rhododactylous: rosy-fingered. (Homer makes frequent reference to
>>> _rhododaktulos eos_ -- "rosy-fingered dawn".)
>>>
>>> [7] _sensus tactilis_: Latin for "the sense of touch".
>>>
>>> [8] "Alalaes" are war-cries (the Greeks spelled a Xena-like war cry as
>>> _alala_ or _alale_) and "ululient" is a coined term, apparently
>>> meaning "characterized by ululation".
>>>
>>> [9] sagittarian: archer-like.
>>>
>>> [10] omphalos: belly-button.
>>>
>>> [11] Omphale: Legendary queen of Lydia. From context, we must assume
>>> that she had a cute belly-button; however, no known classical source
>>> seems to address this vital issue.
>>>
>>> [12] versicon: a coined term, apparently meaning "collection of verse".
>>>
>>> [13] _Lycopersicon_: the biological genus to which tomatoes are assigned.
>>> (The tomato is a New World plant, and was entirely unknown in the
>>> Old World in pre-Columbian times. Thus, having tomatoes in a
_Xena_ish
>>> context is an even greater anachronism than having Homer tell the
tale
>>> of Spartacus.)
>>>
>>>----------------- End Forwarded Message -----------------
>>>
>>
>>
>
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Thu May 25 2000 - 19:07:33 PDT