Patricia (Pat) Mathews
mathews @unm.edu
>>>
>>>Sister Mary Barbie: This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed
>>>knees and neck for genuflecting and praying, mini-rosary beads,
>>>a mini-bible, and a stylish black sequined nun's habit (after
>>>all, she's still Barbie). Pull the string on her back and she
>>>says nothing because she's taken a vow of silence.
>>>
>>>Admin Barbie: Works twenty-hour days for little pay (80% of
>>>AdminKen's salary) and is the lowest on the totem pole despite
>>>being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini-
>>>laptop. Pull the string on her back and she'll schedule a
>>>meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge
>>>in the laser printer, coordinate a re-org and a move, and
>>>order airline tickets for Director Ken.
>>>
>>>Temp Barbie: This smartly dressed, intelligent, hard-working
>>>and enthusiastic Barbie is ready to go right out of the box,
>>>but usually goes untouched for at least a day while everyone
>>>tries to figure out why they bought her. Pull the string on
>>>her back and she'll stuff envelopes indefinitely, all the
>>>while wondering why she got a liberal arts degree. Comes
>>>with mini-resume, and mini-filing cabinet filled with the
>>>past five years' worth of US Tax Code revisions, which need
>>>to be collated.
>>>
>>>Ripped-Off-In-The-Divorce-Settlement Barbie: Pull the string
>>>on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and death
>>>threats for her ex's new wife. Comes with a hatred for all
>>>men and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on her
>>>left-hand ring finger).
>>>
>>>Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal
>>>feet and comfortable sandals. Made from recycled materials.
>>>
>>>Bisexual Barbie: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.
>>>
>>>Blue-Collar Barbie: Comes with overalls, protective goggles,
>>>lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and
>>>pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits
>>>and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies
>>>who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.
>>>
>>>Super Fly Barbie: Truly fly Barbie in midriff-baring shirt
>>>and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories,
>>>and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and she says things like
>>>"I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my face, " and "You go,
>>>girl." Teaches girls not to take shit from men and
>>>condescending adults.
>>>
>>>*** The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers
>>>of "Baywatch" have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie
>>>came as no surprise. After all, both companies have made
>>>millions off airheads with flawless skins, Malibu tans and
>>>synthetic breasts. If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other
>>>Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certain to follow.
>>>
>>>Some possibilities:
>>>
>>>Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream
>>>Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-
>>>free. Other accessories include a bottle of vodka, silk
>>>sheets and an arrest warrant.
>>>
>>>Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other
>>>homesteaders important tips like what conditioner to use out
>>>on the Plains and how to take care of their nails while
>>>shoeing a horse.
>>>
>>>America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years
>>>of crime against feminism.
>>>
>>>Talk Show Host Barbie: Push a button on her back and this
>>>Barbie actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with
>>>topics like how tough math class is, Ballerina Barbie's
>>>struggle with bulimia, Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.
>>>
>>>My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as
>>>regular teens who don't have huge wardrobes, perfect bods,
>>>pools, and ponies.
>>>__________________________________________________________
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>change is inevitable - except from a vending machine...
>>
>
Jean Lamb, from Klamath Falls, Oregon, tlambs@magick.net
http://www.sff.net/people/jeanlamb. Just hired to work part-time at a
library near me! (whip me, beat me, MAKE me get paid for working with books!).
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Thu May 25 2000 - 19:07:30 PDT